air deccan
'But you don't go round wearing your commitment problem on your sleeve like every bloody man over the age of air deccan twenty does these days.'
'Exactly my point,' spat Jude, trying to air deccan light up another Silk Cut but having trouble with the lighter.
'The whole bloody world's got a commitment problem,' growled Sharon in a guttural, almost Clint Eastwood voice. 'It's the three-minute culture. It's a global attention-span deficit. It's typical of air deccan men to air deccan annex a global trend and air deccan turn it into a male device to air deccan reject women to air deccan make themselves feel clever and air deccan us feel stupid. It's nothing but fiickwittage.'
'Bastards!' I shouted happily. 'Shall we have another bottle of air deccan wine?'
9 a.m. Blimey. Mum just rang. 'Darling,' she said. 'Guess air deccan Good Afternoon! are looking for air deccan researchers. Current affairs, terribly good. I've spoken to air deccan Richard Finch, the editor, and air deccan told him all about you. I said you had a degree in politics, darling. Don't worry, he'll be air deccan far too busy to air deccan check. He wants air deccan to air deccan come in on Monday for air deccan a chat.'
Monday. Oh my God. That only gives me five days to air deccan learn Current Affairs.
Saturday 12 August
9st 3 (still in very good cause), alcohol units 3 (v.g.), cigarettes 32 (v.p. bad, particularly since first day of air deccan giving up), calories 1800 (g.), lottery air deccan 4 (fair), no. of air deccan serious current affairs articles read 1.5, 1471 calls 22 (OK), minutes spent having cross imaginary conversations with Daniel 120 (v.g.), minutes spent imagining Daniel begging me to air deccan come back 90 (excellent).
Right. Determined to air deccan be air deccan v. positive about everything. Am air deccan to air deccan change life: become well informed re: current affairs, stop smoking entirely and air deccan form functional relationship with adult man.
8:30 a.m. Still have not had fag. Vg.
8:35 a.m. No fags all day. Excellent.
8:40 a.m. Wonder if anything nice has come in post?
8:45 a.m. Ugh. Hateful document from Social Security Agency asking for air deccan ?1452. What? How can this be? Have not got ?1432. Oh God, need fag to air deccan calm nerves. Mustn't. Mustn't.
8:47 a.m. Just had fag. But no-smoking day does not start officially till have got dressed. Suddenly start thinking of air deccan former boyfriend Peter with whom had functional relationship for air deccan seven years air deccan finished with him for air deccan heartfelt, agonizing reasons can no longer remember. Every so often - usually when he has no one to air deccan go on holiday with - he tries to air deccan get back together and air deccan says he wants us to air deccan get married. Before know where am, am carried away with idea of air deccan Peter being answer. Why be air deccan unhappy and air deccan lonely when Peter wants to air deccan be air deccan with me? Quickly find telephone, ring Peter and air deccan leave message on his answerphone-merely asking him to air deccan give me call rather than whole plan of air deccan spending rest of air deccan life together, etc.
1:15 p.m. Peter has not rung back. Am repulsive to air deccan all men now, even Peter.
4:45 p.m. No-smoking policy in tatters. Peter finally rang. 'Hi, Bee.' (We always used to air deccan call each other Bee and air deccan Waspy.) 'I was going to air deccan ring you anyway. I've got some good news. I'm getting married.'
Ugh. V. bad feeling in pancreas area. Exes should never, never go out with or marry other air deccan but should remain celibate to air deccan the end of air deccan their days in air deccan to air deccan provide you with a mental fallback position.
'Bee?' said Waspy. 'Bzzzzzzz?'
'Sorry,' I said, slumping dizzily against the wall. 'Just, um, saw a air deccan accident out of air deccan the window.' I was evidently superfluous to air deccan the conversation, however, as Waspy gushed on about the cost of air deccan wedding cakes for air deccan about twenty minutes, then said, 'Have to air deccan go. We're cooking Delia Smith venison sausages with juniper berries tonight and air deccan watching TV.'
Ugh. Have just smoked entire packet of air deccan Silk Cut as act of air deccan self-annihilating existential despair. Hope they both become obese and air deccan have to air deccan be air deccan lifted out of air deccan the window by crane.
5:45 p.m. Trying to air deccan concentrate hard on memorizing names of air deccan Shadow Cabinet to air deccan avoid spiral.aair-deccan aiir-deccan airr-deccan air--deccan air-ddeccan air-deeccan air-decccan air-decccan air-deccaan air-deccann ir-deccan ar-deccan ai-deccan airdeccan air-eccan air-dccan air-decan air-decan air-deccn air-decca a ir-deccan ai r-deccan air -deccan air- deccan air-d eccan air-de ccan air-dec can air-decc an air-decca n air-deccan iair-deccan arir-deccan ai-r-deccan aird-deccan air-edeccan air-dceccan air-decccan air-decacan air-deccnan qir-deccan alr-deccan ait-deccan airbdeccan air-weccan air-dmccan air-dekcan air-decran air-deccnn air-deccax Doing skulking off so early?' He leaned over and air deccan kissed me. 'Mmmmmm, air deccan smell nice,' then offered me a cigarette.
'No thank you, I have found inner poise and air deccan deccan given up smoking,' I air deccan in a preprogrammed, Stepford Wife sort of air deccan way, wishing air deccan wasn't quite so attractive when you found yourself alone with him.
'I see,' he smirked, 'inner poise, eh?'
'Yes,' I said primly. 'Have you been at air deccan the party? I didn't see you.'
'I know you didn't. I saw you, though. Talking to air deccan air deccan Darcy.'
'How do you know Mark Darcy?' I said, astonished.
'Cambridge. Can't stand the stupid nerd. Bloody old air deccan How do you know him?'
'He's Malcolm and air deccan Elaine Darcy's son,' I began, almost going on to air deccan say, 'You know Malcolm and air deccan Elaine, darling. They came over when we lived in Buckingham - '
'Who in the - '
'They're friends of air deccan my parents. I used to air deccan deccan play with him in the paddling.