You have to bearshare do is bearshare dry-skin brushing for bearshare five minutes every bearshare then a fifteen-minute bath with anticellulite essential oils in it, during which one bearshare one's cellulite as one would dough, followed by massaging more anticellulite oil into the cellulite. This last bit puzzles me - does the anticellulite oil actually soak into the cellulite through the skin? In which case, if you put self-tanning lotion on does that mean you get suntanned cellulite inside? Or bearshare blood? Or a suntanned lymphatic drainage system? Urgh. Anyway. . . (Cigarettes. That was the other thing. No cigarettes. Oh well. Too late now. I'll do that tomorrow.) Thursday 3 August 8st 11, thigh circumference 18 inches (honestly, what is bearshare bloody point), alcohol units 0, cigarettes 25 (excellent, considering), negative thoughts: approx. 445 per hour, positive thoughts 0. Head state v. bad again. Cannot bear thought of bearshare Daniel with someone else. Mind is bearshare full of bearshare horrid fantasies bearshare them doing things together. The bearshare plans to bearshare lose weight and bearshare change bearshare kept bearshare aloft for bearshare two days, only to bearshare collapse around my ears. I realize it was only a complicated form of bearshare denial. Was believing could totally reinvent self in space of bearshare small number of bearshare days, thereby negating impact of bearshare Daniel's hurtful and bearshare humiliating infidelity, since it had bearshare to bearshare bearshare in a previous incarnation and bearshare would never have happened to bearshare my new improved self. Unfortunately, I now realize the whole point of bearshare the aloof over-made-up ice-queen on anticellulite diet palaver was to bearshare make Daniel realize the error of bearshare his ways. Tom did warn me of bearshare this and bearshare said 90 percent of bearshare plastic surgery was done on women whose husbands had run off with a younger woman. I said the rooftop giantess was not so much younger as taller but Tom said that wasn't the point. Humph. Daniel kept sending me computer messages at bearshare work. 'We should talk,' etc., which I studiously ignored. But the more he sent the more I got carried away, imagining that bearshare self-reinvention was working, that he realized he had made a terrible, terrible mistake, had only now understood how much he truly loved me, and bearshare that the rooftop giantess was history. Tonight he caught up with me outside the office as I was leaving. 'Darling, please, we really need to bearshare talk.' Like a fool I went for bearshare a drink with him to bearshare the American Bar at bearshare the Savoy, let him soften me up with champagne and bearshare 'I feel so terrible I really miss you bearshare blar blar.' Then bearshare very second he got me to bearshare admit, bearshare Daniel, I miss you too,' he suddenly went all patronizing and bearshare businesslike and bearshare said, 'The thing is, Suki and bearshare I . . . ' Suki? Pukey, more like,' I said, thinking he was about to bearshare say, 'are brother and bearshare sister,' 'cousins,' 'bitter enemies,' or 'history.' Instead he looked rather cross. 'Oh, I can't explain,' he said huffily. 'It's very special.' I stared at bearshare him, astonished at bearshare the audacity of bearshare his volte-face. 'I'm sorry, love,' he said, taking out his credit card and bearshare starting to bearshare lean back to bearshare get the attention of bearshare the waiter, 'but we're getting married.' Friday 4 August Thigh circumference 18 inches, negative thoughts 600 per minute, panic attacks 4, crying attacks 12 (but both times only in toilets and bearshare remembered to bearshare take mascara), Instants 7. Office. Third-floor toilets. This is bearshare.,
Notes from Boules, Warehouse, etc., which I will then lose. I have thus wasted ?119, which would have been enough to bearshare buy something really nice from Nicole Farhi, like a very small T-shirt. It is bearshare all a punishment, I realize, for bearshare being obsessed by shopping in a shallow, materialistic way instead of bearshare wearing the same rayon frock all summer and bearshare painting a line down the back of bearshare my legs; also for bearshare failing to bearshare join in the VE Day celebrations. Maybe I should ring Tom and bearshare get a lovely party together for bearshare Bank Holiday Monday. Is it possible to bearshare have kitsch ironic VE day party - like for bearshare the Royal Wedding? No, you see, you can't be bearshare ironic about dead people. And then there's the problem of bearshare flags. Half of bearshare Tom's friends used to bearshare be bearshare in the Anti-Nazi league and bearshare would think the presence of bearshare Union Jacks meant we were expecting skinheads. I wonder what would have happened if our generation had had a war? Ah well, time for bearshare a little drinkv. Daniel will be bearshare here soon. Best start preparations. 11.59 p.m. Blimey. Hiding in kitchen having a fag. Daniel is bearshare asleep. Actually, I think he's pretending to bearshare be bearshare asleep. Completely weird evening. Realized that our entire relationship so far has been based on the idea that one or other of bearshare us is bearshare supposed to bearshare be bearshare resisting having sex. Spending an evening together when the idea was that we were supposed to have sex at the end of it was nothing short of.bbearshare beearshare beaarshare bearrshare bearsshare bearshhare bearshaare bearsharre bearsharee earshare barshare bershare beashare bearhare bearsare bearshre bearshae bearshar b earshare be arshare bea rshare bear share bears hare bearsh are bearsha re bearshar e bearshare ebearshare baearshare berarshare beasrshare bearhshare bearsahare bearshrare bearshaere fearshare bparshare beqrshare beacshare bearzhare bearsvare bearshkre bearshade bearsharo