There are many wonders in the world that one will not come across in a lifetime except by chance. But if by chance you are fortunate enough to encounter one, then you have indeed been blessed with a special experience.

Leslie Cheung was one of those wonders. I discovered Leslie quite unintentionally whilst exploring the career of another Hong Kong superstar, Chow Yun Fat. A non-Chinese friend had introduced me to Chow Yun Fat through 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'. I started by watching his English language films and was soon working back through his Hong Kong career.

I have always been a fan of movies and actors in America but eventually became familiar with some names in foreign films as well. I remembered the name of director John Woo and the movie 'Once A Thief' because it was later re-made in North America in the late 1990's before having a short run as a TV series filmed in Toronto.

I spotted the Hong Kong made 'Once A Thief' at the rental store. Thinking it would be interesting to see the original version, I rented it. While toggling between what I could understand of the Cantonese dialogue and the English subtitles, my attention was also drawn to the voice of a handsome costar whose name I did not know. As a matter of fact, Chow Yun Fat was the only name I knew from the Hong Kong entertainment industry at the time.

Even though I could not read the film's credits because they were mainly in Chinese, the "actor-with-the-voice" fascinated me. I saw the name Leslie Cheung but had no idea whether it was the name of a man or a woman. I did not connect the names Cheung Kwok Wing and Leslie Cheung to the same person for some time. Again it was just by chance that I picked the movies 'A Better Tomorrow' and 'A Better Tomorrow II' to rent next.

There again, co-starring with Chow Yun Fat was that actor with the captivating voice and enchanting smile. His charisma flowed from the screen. Before I knew his name or his biography, I already knew there was something special about this man. In a word, he was, unforgettable. I had to learn more about him. I wished that I had paid more attention in Chinese school!

I was lucky enough to find English language websites on the Internet that reviewed these three movies. Soon after that I was fairly certain that this charming actor was named Leslie Cheung. His Chinese name, Cheung Kwok Wing sounded very sophisticated. His nickname Gor Gor was a term of endearment as well as respect.

To find Leslie Cheung movies, I had to memorize the characters of his Chinese name and hope to see his face on the covers of the rental movies. I soon learned that it was hopeless to ask for anything by the English title because it usually bore little resemblance to the actual title.

In no time at all, I had systematically gone through all of Chow Yun Fat's movies and started buying many of my favourites.  The clerk at the rental store realized that the mission I was on would soon be coming to an end. One day he asked me whom I would be targeting next. At the time I could not say because I did not know the name that belonged to the face of Leslie Cheung. I did not realize that my curiosity about this mystery man would become a passion.

This was indeed a very strange and inexplicable passion for me. I had little previous interest in the Hong Kong entertainment industry. Only as a child did I go along with my mother to the Chinese theatre to keep her company. She went regularly to see the Cantonese opera flicks. It was interesting to learn that Leslie's nanny had also taken him to such films when he was a child.

Surprisingly, I loved these Cantonese opera films [though my Canadian friends compared the sound to "tortured cats"]. I even looked forward to going to live performances when troupes would tour from overseas. Though I am of Chinese descent, I cannot read the language nor was I ever taught to conduct a significant conversation in Cantonese. In my childhood home we spoke a different dialect and I only picked up the Cantonese by listening to my sister speak with her friends.

A seemingly daunting task ahead of me, but I had to find out who this performer named Leslie Cheung was. A mere two years ago the English Internet sites were relatively few and far in between. To my surprise, other then Chinese, many were Japanese or Korean and even Italian. The English sites were brief and many were no more then facsimiles of other sites. However many of these did attempt to display a complete filmography. I had looked at the Leslie Cheung Internet Fan Club many times but was hesitant to join, not knowing how much of the site would be in English.

Coming across the fact that there were many audio clips on the LCIFC site including an autobiography convinced me to become a member. By this time I had become familiar with Leslie Cheung's movies but more then ever I wanted to know more about him. In the beginning the main reason I wanted to hear Leslie's audio autobiography was to listen to his enchanting voice, but along the way I learned much about the man. It was an amazingly candid narration of his childhood, his family and his years abroad in England. Of friendships, relationships, unrequited love, career and hopes for the future. It fascinated me that Leslie had actually dedicated time to personally give an account of his early years.

I have listened to many subsequent interviews given by Leslie over the years because I loved listening to the sound of his voice. Cantonese sounds so eloquent and expressing himself seemed to come so naturally to Leslie. By listening to his many interviews I learned more about Leslie then words written about him could ever portray.

I had yet to discover Leslie Cheung the singer. Due to the length of Leslie's autobiography I was only able to listen up to the time he was accepted to university at Leeds. I had watched many of Leslie's movies by this time but had skipped from the action genre which included 'Once a Thief', 'A Better Tomorrow' and 'A Better Tomorrow II' to dramas such as 'Moonlight Express', 'The Kid' and 'Okinawa Rendezvous'. Though I liked the theme song and the voice of the singer in 'Okinawa Rendezvous', I did not know that it was Leslie.

One of my favourite movies is 'Rouge'. A tragic yet romantic ghost story that spanned over several decades. Star crossed lovers who made a suicide pact so they could be together for eternity. But only one succeeded, thus she was compelled to return to the world of the living to find her lover. This was the first time I knew of Anita Mui. I learned that Anita and Leslie were close friends in real life. I have heard Leslie say that his role in this movie was originally smaller but was expanded because the story developed better that anticipated around the two main characters. I should have been able to guess by this time that Leslie could sing, but his foray into Cantonese opera in 'Rouge' was far too brief.

I came across reviews about a daring and provocative movie called 'Happy Together'. I learned about the complexity of Leslie Cheung the performer and the man. I read articles about Leslie's personal life that suggested that he was gay or bisexual. No big deal how one lives his private life but to be willing to portray an aspect of this controversial lifestyle for audiences to see was very bold. I could not decide for a long time whether I wanted to see 'Happy Together'. Frankly, I was afraid it might change my perception of Leslie but curiosity finally got the better of me. Apparently a lot of the original story was left on the cutting room floor but the final version still told a very poignant story.

'Happy Together' could have been a story about any two people involved in a destructive relationship. Two people who should have walked away from one another but in weak moments were drawn back together over and over again. It was an emotional roller coaster ride, waiting to see who was going to walk away for good and no longer succumb to emotional blackmail. In the end I still felt sympathy for Leslie's character that ran out of chances to start over again.

I admired both Tony Leung and Leslie's courage to go through with this project. It was a gutsy decision by both actors to put their popular, handsome, and heterosexual images on the line to portray the dark and wild side of the gay lifestyle. Though Leslie may have tarnished his image of innocence in 'Happy Together' his popularity remained intact.

After 'Happy Together', I discovered the dark dramas such as 'Farewell My Concubine' and 'Temptress Moon'. Though 'Farewell My Concubine' was internationally renowned, I do not count it among my favourites. For one thing a good historical knowledge of China that spanned fifty years was needed to understand many of the scenes. This movie was not one for the fans that enjoyed seeing Leslie's natural good looks on screen. The role of the concubine consumed Dieyi as did this complicated character successfully conceal Leslie's typical personas that fans were familiar with. Also, the life of those youngsters under the tutelage of such cruel taskmasters was heartbreaking. From being deserted by his prostitute mother to being taught his craft by means of breaking the human spirit scarred every aspect of Dieyi's life.

'Temptress Moon' starts off in a dark mood with the psychological scarring of yet another youngster. Becoming more or less the boy-servant of an opium-addicted brother-in-law who also forces him to endure some kind of incestuous relationship with his sister. Pushed beyond his endurance, the boy poisons his brother-in-law and escapes his treacherous existence under the pretense of furthering his education. It was not long afterward that thieves make off with his only possessions at the train station. Sadly his savior turns out to be an unscrupulous conman who takes him under his wings. Forced to be indebted to a man who teaches him a career of hustling and cheating wealthy women out of their riches. The mood of the movie puts the viewer into a neckbreaking tailspin not unlike the fate of Leslie's character. Spinning from the beautiful scenery one moment to the dark and gloomy storyline the next. Leslie's cold and callous character was too much to bear as he passed up every opportunity to love and be loved in returned.

Not being a fan of comedy I oddly found myself enjoying the "New Year's" movies. The light, silly comedies that made viewers giggle at the corny antics of the cast. The all-star casts that seem to be thrown together just for some fun. My favourites of these include 'Ninth Happiness', 'It's A Wonderful Life', 'Merry Christmas', 'All's Well Ends Well' or 'All's Well Ends Well Too'. Of course they are my favourites because they starred the youthful Leslie Cheung being coy, adorable and mischievous. A few of these DVDs included hilarious blooper reels or outtakes that made owning them entirely worth while.

Finally discovering that Leslie Cheung had an immensely successful singing career before turning to acting was not surprising. Learning that he had retired at the peak of his popularity was. I read that Leslie had always planned to leave his singing career when he was at his peak so that his fans would remember him at his best rather then as a has-been. When the time came, he was probably ready for a rest from the hectic pace of recording, rehearsing, performing live and travelling. Besides, by this time Leslie had already immersed himself in an acting career.

Though fans could no longer anticipate the release of new albums, did Leslie not continue to tantalize them from within movies the likes of 'He's a Man, She's a Woman', 'The Phantom Lover', 'Who's the Woman, Who's the Man' or 'Temptress Moon' and even 'Ninth Happiness'? With this in mind, could fans avoid hoping for Leslie's return to singing? It seemed that the record companies certainly could not let go. Just look at how many songs and albums were re-released, re-mixed and compiled into various albums over and over again during his "retirement". There were almost as many of these as there were originals. Certainly no one forgot about Leslie after he left the music scene. Everyone was waiting for an encore.

Ironically it was the show tunes that introduced me to Leslie Cheung's music talents. I actually heard the cute little version of 'Red' in 'Ninth Happiness' before I heard the sexy, seductive number from the 'Red' album. About this time I was able to finish listening to Leslie's autobiography. Finally, I heard about the singing contest that launched his career. Some one saw his star rising. Imagine getting through almost seven minutes of 'American Pie' when the length of time allotted each contestant was actually less then half that amount and even less if one was really bad!

My interest was peaked by the movie songs. I learned that Leslie only sang the movie versions while other artists may have released album versions. As a result fans would sneak recording devices into the theatres to capture Leslie's version. I was still in the midst of going through Leslie's movie career and did not want to leave any stone unturned. But one day opportunity presented itself while I was in the entertainment store looking for movies and happen to wander into the music section. I came across two CDs by Leslie Cheung. I picked out enough Chinese characters to know that one was in Mandarin, so I bought the other one. That compilation CD called 'Dear Leslie' was my first venture into his music career.

At that time I was not even familiar with Leslie's greatest hits. Every song other then the ones I had heard in the movies was new to me. I was totally captivated by his sensuous and powerful voice. It was clear that I had not finished discovering Leslie Cheung.

Unfolding Leslie's music career was not an easy task. The language barrier proved to be enormous. A limited vocabulary and understanding of Cantonese made dialogues enough of a challenge to grasp. But words set to music was even more difficult to decipher. Yet this did not hinder my appreciation of Leslie's songs.

Leslie's collection of songs is like a huge abstract painting covered in textures of glorious colours. Being less then fluent in Cantonese the significance of the songs come from one-quarter interpretation and three-quarters impression. The lyrics, the music and the arrangement of Leslie's songs are so meticulously blended together with his expressive voice, that images manifest in one's imagination effortlessly. This is especially so in the later songs when Leslie had more artistic control.

In the beginning when Leslie launched his singing career he naturally had to overcome the doubters and detractors of his abilities. Yet it must have hurt a great deal to have those early audiences act so rudely towards him. Leslie once explained that Hong Kong audiences were like none other. Almost anywhere else, people would not by tickets to see an artist they did not like but in Hong Kong they paid the price of admission just to heckle them. Leslie said that he got over all that a long time ago because his success proved them all wrong.

Leslie built the cornerstones of his music career with pop songs that were generally cheerful and light. He released an album of popular English songs of the day that showed his versatility with the language. Songs from the 'Lover's Arrow' album seemed to illustrate the triumphant indestructible days of youth. The songs were melodious but the range of Leslie's voice yet to be challenged.

As Leslie moved towards thirty he could have convinced the uninitiated that he was ten years younger. Ever youthful in appearance but his voice was maturing, becoming more rich and powerful. Yet during his mid to late twenties Leslie cemented an adolescent heartthrob image with such upbeat hits as 'Monica', 'H2O' and 'Stand Up'. Songs that enhanced his boyish good looks, youthful energy and innocent sex appeal. The themes during this period included puppy love or first love won and lost, yet promising new romance just beyond the horizon. This was the bright, promising and energetic stage of Leslie's career. His successes were quickly mounting, proving that he had earned a niche in this industry.

Leslie had numerous "rocker" songs in his repertoire that he sang with boundless energy. He knew how to make you want to get up and dance. Some of his "rocker" songs that I enjoyed were 'Crazy Rock', 'Side Face', 'No Mood to Sleep', 'Miss You Much' and 'Black Midnight' [the Chinese names sound so much more charming].

Indeed, at the end of the '80's, Leslie was at the peak of his singing career. His voice was very versatile during that period, singing the fast rock numbers with energy and stamina as well as the ballads with a soft gentleness. Leslie's voice was strong and true in every facet as demonstrated in the 'Final Encounter' album. The ballads now showed more depth then in the earlier albums. They sounded more serious yet sentimental about love and commitment. 'A better tomorrow' was still a strong undertone.

Leslie once said during a concert that he liked to sing traditional Chinese folk songs as well. He also began to record songs in Mandarin. Though I could not understand the words, the tunes and his enchanting voice were ever familiar.

Leslie's album 'Salute' is one of my favourites. It was not surprising that Leslie would pay homage to fellows artists, many of whom were his friends. In most cases, Leslie's version of these songs are the only ones I have heard. Two of my favourite songs are 'Childhood' and 'Paper Boat'. The music in 'Childhood' sounds so jubilant and melodious in 'Paper Boat'. Proceeds of this album went to local charities and it was also released at the time when Leslie announced his retirement from the music scene. Not only a tribute to his peers but 'Salute' seemed a farewell gift to the fans as well.

In hindsight we know that the half dozen years that followed Leslie's last album and concert was only a hiatus from music. Leslie immigrated to Canada for a short time. In Vancouver he lived a quiet low profile life. Apparently people in-the-know knew he was here but he spent a lot of quiet time in the sanctuary of his home. Enough fans seem to have seen him out and about the city though. In retrospect I think how wonderful it would have been to know about Leslie a dozen years ago. Regardless, today I can picture him walking down Burrard Street or browsing around Metrotown or participating in the flood relief fundraiser at Robson Square. Perhaps spotting him roaring around the city in his red-hot sports car would have been a treat! How I would have loved to see him perform at Expo 86!

Life was getting to be too quiet and mundane for a well-rested Leslie. Perhaps refreshed from a couple years off, those continuous offers from Hong Kong filmmakers were too tempting to resist. Really too young to retire for good, Leslie returned to his native land. A marvelous and prolific film career ensued. Back in the limelight via the movies could his return to singing be that improbable?

I have been told that the album, which marked Leslie Cheung's return to the music business, was called 'Fondness' containing popular songs from his movies. We actually hear the words of 'A Thousand Dreams of You', from 'Temptress Moon' where we only heard the music. Leslie's second album after his return is titled 'Red'. Leslie now nearing forty demonstrates that both he and his music have matured over the past six years. The mood of this album is sultry and seductive. No longer is Leslie singing about idyllic or whimsical love. No longer is one dreaming of summer romance but rather there are themes of physical and emotional yearning. Though the MV for 'Blamefully Beautiful' lightly portrays the consequences of lust, the other images are graphic and steamy. There are some gender bending innuendoes in some songs. The songs from the movies 'Who's the Man, Who's the Woman' and 'Viva Erotica' are included.

Leslie's albums 'Countdown with You' and 'Big Heat' are energetic and his voice still powerful throughout. Yet the ballads or slower numbers reflect a man who has lived and experienced many of the bittersweets of life. The songs bore more pessimism and there was a certain sadness in his voice at times. One wonders if there were private truths in his new songs.

As the longevity of Leslie's career mounted the more artistic control he gained as well, creating a production company of his own in order to spread his creative wings.

'Crossover' was a special kind project by Leslie Cheung and Anthony Wong. I have heard that many people criticized the album because it was not reminiscent of Leslie's style. This was the first time I had heard Anthony Wong and thought that he sounded similar to Leslie. But this album is not lacking Leslie's influence. The two artists sang one of each other's songs as pick out by the other and they each wrote a new song for the other to sing. Both artists over saw the production and they sang the "duet" together. Only some health problems forced Leslie to hand over a few final decisions to Anthony and he did his best to keep the integrity of the album as agreed upon. Leslie's touch was very much present.

Leslie's CD 'Everything Follows the Wind' was his last gift. Some say that the cuts on the album were not final versions and should not have been released. I had also heard that other sources felt the tracks were good quality and that only the perfectionist in Leslie might have felt they were not ready.

I received 'Everything Follows the Wind' on one of the first days after it's arrival and I faced the challenge of understanding the meaning of the songs on my own. I was tentative about playing the CD and hearing Leslie's voice recorded such a short time before his death. I was afraid that I would hear something revealing a sign that Leslie was so near his fate. I finally found the courage to open the CD but afraid of damaging the intricately wrapped box. The music and Leslie's misty voice came rushing in to my head through my earphones with the first song. The music of the opening track overshadowed Leslie's voice but I was determined to hear the album all the way through.

I did not find the lyrics of 'Love of Glass' too difficult to understand. But it seemed that I came up with a different translation to the refrain. I took the refrain to say, "approaching with hands extended in hopes of receiving love but instead, leaving with empty hands... but leave one must."

Did 'Dare to Love' start out with a quip about acting immaturely in a relationship? This did not seem to be one of Leslie's best songs only because I did not understand whether the break in the middle of the song was placed there with a purpose or if that was all there was. Leslie's voice seemed overwhelmed with emotion and out of control.

The remaining original songs on this album are precious because Leslie's voice comes through purely. In any case, I would treasure them because they are the last. Any other time I might not dwell on the meaning of the words but in this case I guess I am looking for answers. Is there insight into Leslie's agony during the last months? Though Leslie composed the music and lyricists wrote the words, did Leslie give them specific themes to work with? Are there any answers to those nagging questions in this last album?

I take one of Leslie's CDs with me every day. Sometimes I get particularly sentimental about the one I chose and cannot bear to change it for days. Inexplicably and at random a song will make me cry. Sometimes, naturally, it would be a quiet slow song but at times it can be a particularly happy or upbeat song that will bring a tear.

As a recent Leslie Cheung fan, I had no preconceived notions of who he was or what his long time fans expected of him. Certainly the superficial qualities are what captured my attention in the beginning and they compelled me to search for more. Leslie's career spanned an amazing twenty-six years, but it performed it's metamorphosis right before my eyes. Like time lapse photography each new chapter opened up immediately after the last.

In some ways I wish I had experienced Leslie's career in real time, day by day, year after year, enjoying the new and anticipating more. This is but a small regret because I realize that it is the complete allure of Leslie Cheung that drew me to him so completely.

By all accounts Leslie Cheung was a young man with talent as well as good looks with which he launched his career. Throughout his private and professional life, Leslie has been touted as being kind and respectful to everyone he came in contact with. On the professional level, perhaps only the perfectionist in him labeled Leslie as "difficult" to deal with at times.

Once his career was launched in the late '70's, Leslie never seemed content to rest on his laurels. Leslie envisioned his career evolving all the time. From teenage heartthrob to mature recording artist, composer and lyricist. He confidently accepted the challenges of an acting career. Leslie showed courage with his decision to return to singing, by simply stating that, things change. Though it was no secret that the diehard fans never stopped yearning for his return, this was not the same Leslie they had known before.

Leslie Cheung was a man of quiet integrity yet gradually revealed his complex lifestyle and highly creative flare. Leslie did not step down from criticism nor did he step up on a soapbox. Instead, he let his professional alter ego expressed his beliefs through his work. Case in point would be the long hair and flamboyant costumes he donned during the Passion Tour and the unusual photo spread he did for CityExtra following that concert series.

April 1, 2003 had barely begun here, so far from Hong Kong, when it had already tragically ended for Leslie Cheung. Ironically, I learned about this incredible piece of news at the same hour of the day as it had actually happened in Hong Kong from a message titled "Another Angel Gained in Heaven". At first I thought this was just a thoughtlessly phrased headline, until I learned it's contents. Yet it was impossible to comprehend the phrases, "jumped to his death", "from twenty-fourth floor", "suicide note found", etc. etc… "How could they be referring to the Leslie Cheung I knew!"

It was not difficult to get the news stories from the Internet and there were plenty of them. The competing newsgroups with their sometimes conflicting information created a surreal feeling. In any case, at that point in time, everything was just an assortment of incomprehensible words. I looked at story after story but was not calm enough to read them. I hoped it was a bad joke or about some other poor soul with the same name. My whole being was cold and numb, but from within me I heard a hushed voice pleading, "don't let this be happening… how could he have done this…WHY did he do this?" Questions for which there are no answers.

There were rumours that suggested that it was due to vanity or fear of declining popularity while others hinted at a medical condition. There were stories that Leslie was possessed by some kind of evil. Then it was revealed that Leslie had suffered from depression. Depression not of the melancholy state of mind but Depression the complicated debilitating illness that includes physiological, metabolic as well as psychological consequences. A clash of Eastern and Western cultures over the physical manifestations and treatment of this condition must have torn Leslie apart emotionally. Who to believe, who to trust or who to turn to when nothing seemed to help? The road to health must have seemed impossibly long and hopeless. Depression would be a difficult opponent for a person without a high profile lifestyle, so how painfully challenging it would have been for someone like Leslie.

In the movie 'A Time to Remember', there is imagery that illustrates the phrase "life imitating art". Leslie's character Jin is a revolutionary who has been injured many times while eluding arrest. His wife sacrificed herself to save him by jumping out of their apartment window in a high building to warn him before he could be captured. Jin saw her like an eagle in the sky before her body landed at his feet. Shrapnel remained lodged in his head from injuries that caused seizures. During these seizures Jin could be soothed by a passage, "The sun rises… an eagle flies toward heaven and suddenly stops as if frozen in the sky. No one knows why it flies… what it needs… The sun rises… the sun rises." Jin's seizure subsides as does my anxiety over Leslie's death when I can imagine that his soul had already soared heaven bound like the eagle before his mortal body landed on the cold ground below.

Also, in 'A Time to Remember', the doctor tries to convince Jin to have an operation that may cure his seizures. The next seizure may kill him but there is also no guarantee that the operation will not cause permanent brain damage. Jin would rather risk death then to be unable to think for himself ever again. He quotes an ancient saying that "Death is like returning home". Could Leslie have had that thought also when nothing seemed to help his depression? Is it futile for a body to house a mind that is no longer as brilliant and creative and capable of making meaningful decisions as it once was? Often our earthly home is our sanctuary from the rest of the world. We hope to refresh our body, mind and soul there. Perhaps discouraged by an endless battle that was taking it's toll on mind and body, Leslie desired to take that journey to an eternal home to rest his soul.

Leslie left many wonderful gifts sculpted lovingly by his vision and creativity. Leslie's CDs of his music and DVDs/VCDs of his movies and concerts will forever remind us of who he was. I want to be able to cherish these gifts by putting away the pain and sorrow of his passing. Leslie's career achievements deserve to be honoured not lost amongst grief and mourning.

Leslie was respected by so many whether they be fellow artists or colleagues in the industry and he was a mentor to so many young performers trying to get a foothold in the business. Leslie claimed fans young and old all around the world with his ageless appeal.

It was only by chance that I came to know Leslie Cheung but it is by choice that I will remain his fan forever. Leslie also gave me another special gift. He introduced me to a part of my cultural heritage. Something I otherwise might not have gone looking for.

Leslie is only out of sight not out of mind. With all the gifts that Leslie has left behind, his legend will never fade. Leslie is like the brightest star in the velvet sky, thousands of years after it is gone it's light shines on.

Leslie, I will never forget you. Be at peace. Love you and miss you much.