starnight

When I became a fan of Leslie's some time in the middle of this year, he had been dead for already more than a year. Even so, because I live in Singapore, I felt that he's not really gone, he's merely away, perhaps in Hong Kong or Vancouver, places which he had called home.

I went to Hong Kong in November 2004 for work-related reasons and decided to include a 5-day private visit as well so that I could search out places associated with Leslie – such as where he lived, worked, performed and played. Though I had been to Hong Kong more than half a dozen times in the past 2 decades I had never felt as excited as I did about this trip as I somehow anticipated that I would get to know Leslie better through it.

When the plane started making its descent half an hour before the scheduled landing time, I looked out at the clouds outside the window and wondered if Leslie, being in heaven, was looking at the same kind of scene that spread out before my eyes – a surreal landscape of fluffy white clouds that took different shapes, reminding me of mountains and waves, birds and human forms.

When the plane landed, it hit me hard that Leslie is no longer in this realm, that earth was once his home but is longer so, that he has moved on, and left us behind. The pain of the realization was palpable and left me feeling empty.

On my first evening I went to the Avenue of Stars to look for his star and to see the Symphony of Lights. It took me a while to find his star. The sight of his name etched into the 'star' on the ground beneath me gave me a feeling that I was at his tombstone and that the name was carved on his headstone, and sadness hit me again, hard.

I recalled that he had filmed a scene here at the Tsimshatsui Promenade with Anita Mui in Last Song in Paris, and that in the movie, he had playfully made a pretence of wanting to dive into the sea. Tonight however, both of them were no longer around.

I walked along the Promenade, to the Coliseum, where he played to the crowds during his concerts. There were no events held at the Coliseum that night and the building was empty and seemed desolate. I walked around a bit, wondering which was the entrance where he had offered joss sticks at a makeshift alter at the start of his Farewell concert in 1989.

I then took a taxi to the Harbour Plaza Hotel. It was in the lift lobby of this hotel that Leslie as Karbo had caught a fainting Hitomi in his arms in 'Moonlight Express'. The lobby looked larger than life on the silver screen but was actually quite small. I found myself missing the handsome, virile Karbo with his brooding good looks and tough exterior and the sweet hidden vulnerability.

From the Harbour Plaza Hotel I took the hotel shuttle to Tsimshatsui and got off at the Peninsula Hotel. I stood outside Gaddi's, a French restaurant which he is reported to have frequented, and had a look at the famed coffee house where he often went for tea. I also saw the Davidoff cigar shop where I believe he was photographed buying a present of cigars for a friend.

From the Peninsula, it was back to the Tsimshatsui Promenade to view the Symphony of Lights. I sat on the railings along the Promenade to watch the magical illumination of the Hong Kong island skyline by multi-hued lights.

There was a young couple beside me, and the girl was seated on the boy's lap, and he had his arms around her. I was dressed in summer clothes and did not have a jacket on. It felt cold sitting out there under the beautiful night sky. I could not help wishing that it was Leslie's lap I was sitting on instead of the railings, and that he had his arms around me. He would have kept me warm and shielded me from the chilly breeze that fanned the Promenade.

From where I sat, I could make out the outline of the Mandarin Oriental Hotel clearly, even though the building is dwarfed by many other taller, more impressive buildings. I could also see the outline of the Star Ferry Terminal Building, where he had parked his car before his suicide. The sight of both filled me with melancholy.

The next day I went to 32 A Kadoorie Avenue. I spent some time walking around the neighbourhood and taking pictures. Seeing a Filipina coming out of the house opposite Leslie's, I feigned ignorance and asked her which house was Leslie's. She told me and I asked her if she had met Leslie frequently. She said she did and volunteered the information that he was very goodlooking and 'very nice'.

I spent many minutes on the street where Leslie lived. The front door of his house is surprisingly unimposing. The shrub in the flower box outside his house is also insignificant looking and all in all, the entrance of Leslie's house pales in comparison with the grander entrance areas of the neighbouring units. Perhaps this is another indication that Leslie prefers understatement.

I listened to his songs on my MP3 player and somehow I could feel his presence, which was so moving that it caused tears to well up in my eyes. I took note of the windows, wondering where his bedroom was. My guess is that it's the one overlooking the garden as that would seem to be the 'best' location.

After leaving Leslie's house I went to Hong Kong Island and visited the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. I stood at the spot near the taxi stand where his body had landed and looked at the gratings covering the drain where his blood would have flowed into.

It struck me as unusual that he landed where he did. The design of the MO is such that there are three tiers and the difference in the width of the narrowest at the top and the broadest at the bottom would have been well over ten feet. Instead of landing on the second highest tier, Leslie landed on the road, so the horizontal distance his body traveled would have been at least ten feet.

He did not land in the middle of the road, where he would have been run over and probably disfigured by the heavy traffic on Connaught Road Central, but at the edge of the road, which was more 'protected'. Despite falling from such a great height, his face was unmarred. Are these signs that there were some angels looking over him even as he made his exit from the world?

I remembered seeing photos in which the staff of the hotel had used a hose to wash his blood off the tarmac. Perhaps I have a morbid turn of mind, but I thought that if I had been his fan before he died and happened to be at the scene, I would have used tissue paper to soak up his blood and kept it. Such thoughts were in contrast to those I had during my most recent visit to Hong Kong at the end of 2003.

On that visit I had walked from Wan Chai to Central and when I had to pass by the MO, I remembered that Leslie had committed suicide at the hotel and started to feel squeamish. The road I walked on was behind the hotel, away from where he landed, but I made sure that I walked on the side of the road opposite the hotel. A year later, here I was, thinking that I wanted to keep tissue paper soaked with his blood!

From the MO, I walked to Prince's Building, which housed the Dunhill boutique where he had graced a ribbon cutting ceremony some time at the end of 2002. He looked so suave and so handsome, but there was something fragile about his beauty then, and he had such incredibly sad eyes…

I had read that Leslie liked to shop at the Landmark and therefore revisited this place, where my previous employer had an office and I used to spend weeks on end on assignments. Leslie would probably have gone there while I was hard at work in the building, but sadly, our paths never crossed. So near, yet so far…

I also went to Ken Qi in Central Building and to the Fringe Club. At the Fringe Club, I wandered into what I think must have been a Member's area, where there was a stage and some tables and chairs. The room was empty save for a group of people having their lunch at one of the tables.

I looked at the piano, drums and other musical instruments on the stage and wondered if Leslie's character Sam Koo had jammed here with his friends in 'He's a Woman, She's a Man'. I started taking pictures but one of the diners came to tell me that photography was not allowed.

I explained that I was a fan of Leslie's and asked her if the stage was where the jam session scenes in HWSM were shot. She confirmed it was and was very nice not to insist that I deleted the shots I had taken of the stage, which actually looked rather forlorn.

From the Fringe Club I walked to Lan Kwai Fong. Leslie had danced the tango with Tony Leung Chiu Wai in one of the bars here in a promotional event for 'Happy Together'. However, I did not know which bar they had danced in.

My next stop was Stanley, where Karbo had wined and dined Hitomi in 'Moonlight Express'. The restaurant in which they had lunch was alas closed and in fact the commercial area covering the first few floors of the building was up for lease. The upper floors appeared to house apartments.

Again the sight of the closed restaurant and the 'For Lease' sign tended to bring on the blues.

I had a wonderfully delicious dinner at the Deco Grill at the Peak that evening. A friend living and working in Hong Kong went with me. She told me it was her first visit to The Peak in eight years. I felt honoured and was glad that she, too, enjoyed the meal at the restaurant.

This was the place that Sam Koo and lunch/drinks with Anita Yuen’s character in HWSM. I remember he wanted to get to know 'him' better so that he could write songs for 'him' and one of the questions he had asked was when was the first time 'he' made love.

On the third day I searched out the Sun Dao Kee Restaurant where Leslie supped after his Passion Concert. It was ten something in the morning and the restaurant was not open yet. It looked nondescript. I promised myself that I would go back there for dinner and taste some of the dishes that Leslie had enjoyed at the restaurant.

I then went to the Prosperous Centre in Tsimshatsui. I had learnt from Nadia's account of her journey to Hong Kong that this was where Leslie used to have his office. I entered the building and chatted up the security guards on duty.

They had worked at the building only after Leslie moved out but let on that his office was located on the 5^th floor, which was now occupied by a private school. They told me I could go there to have a 'look see' but had to refrain from taking pictures to protect the privacy of the new occupant. I went to the 5^th floor and felt that I could sense Leslie's presence there as well.

From Tsimshatsui I went on to Causeway Bay and to the site of Leslie's Wei Nei Zhong Ching Coffee shop, which was now a boutique. I had watched a video clip of the opening of the coffee shop on the Internet. Leslie was dressed in a white suit. He sported a moustache and his hair was parted on the right instead of his usual left (perhaps for his role in 'Shanghai Grand' or 'A Time to Remember'?) and he was interviewed by a lady journalist. He complimented her on her looks and touched her flowing long hair. She succumbed to his charm like all females and was totally flustered, although as a journalist she was supposed to be cool and detached. In fact Leslie was the cool one!

I also went to Pak Sha Road but could not locate the café where some scenes in 'Days of Being Wild' were filmed.

Lunch was at the Fusion Restaurant in Sunning Road where Leslie had his last meal. The staff showed me where he usually sat, which was in a corner right beside the entrance, but unfortunately that table was reserved so I had a seat beside the window which was where I believe he once sat when his favourite table was reserved for a birthday function.

I had a semi-buffet brunch at Fusion and checked out the toilets. I had read in an interview with the owner of the restaurant that Leslie made many visits to the washroom to check his appearance. I badly wanted to go into the gents but did not want to run the risk of embarrassing any guy who might be inside and contented myself with taking pictures of the Ladies' and the exterior of the Gents'.

I watched a movie, 'De Lovely', with my friend at Admiralty Cinema, where Leslie had been photographed with Tong after watching a George Clooney movie. This was followed by tea at Cova in Pacific Place which was one of Leslie's haunts.

My friend and I then walked to some of the streets in Central where Leslie had filmed 'The Kid'. It was dark by then and I was not able to take any good photos but I told myself that I would go back.

I had dinner in Central and then went to Wanchai. Took pictures of the Fook Lam Moon Restaurant where Leslie and many of Hong Kong's rich and famous went for dinner. The cars parked outside the ordinary looking restaurant were all luxury cars, testimony that this was no ordinary restaurant, despite its appearance to the contrary.

The following day was a Sunday. My friend had arranged with some friends to go trekking from Wong Nai Chung Reservoir to Tai Tam Dam and invited me to join them. I did not have suitable footwear but joined them for the trek as I knew it would be scenic. Leslie had previously lived in the Tai Tam area and I hoped to be able to get a glimpse of his house there.

We completed the 3-hour trek without incident and took a taxi to Stanley for lunch. (A couple trekking there the same day were robbed and assaulted). The taxi passed by Turtle Cove where Leslie had once lived. I recognized the unit that once belonged to Leslie and felt that it seemed to be a much nicer place to live in than his Kadoorie Avenue house. Unfortunately I did not have a chance to take any pics of the Turtle Cove house as I was seated in the middle of the back seat and there was no time to take out my camera. Another time, perhaps.

I declined my friends' invitation to play mahjong and took a bus to The Peak. I wanted to 'visit' Leslie at Mme Tussaud's although I had known from photographs that the wax figure that is supposed to be his likeness was nothing like him. I wanted to see how tall he is relative to myself and I wanted to embrace this facsimile of him, even though it was a poor one.

I had met a couple of girls from mainland China at Mme Tussaud's and happened to share the same bench with them when I had dinner on a terrace at The Peak. We started to make small talk and I asked them which of the wax figures had the least resemblance to the original. Their answer: Leslie Cheung.

I had shown the Mme Tussaud brochure which came free with the admission ticket to my friend a few days later and she agreed that Leslie's wax figure did not do him justice at all. She commented that the sculptors should have taken greater pride in their work and made another, better model of Leslie to replace the current one.

I found out later that in fact Mme Tussaud's had used their best sculptors for Leslie's model. The only conclusion I can draw is that no human hands can duplicate the Creator's handiwork in the dazzling and luminous beauty that is Leslie's.

While at The Peak I spent a lot of time at the viewing area where Karbo had spent time with Hitomi in 'Moonlight Express', which is my favourite Leslie movie. I stood where Karbo stood, looking at the scrapbook that Hitomi had given to him before returning to Japan, and missing her. And here I was, aching for him. In 'Moonlight Express', Hitomi returned to Leslie at The Peak but I had to leave The Peak with a void in my heavy heart.

While at Mme Tussaud's I met another fan of Leslie's, who hailed from Macau, and was there with her Mum. We took photos of one another and talked a bit about our passion for our idol.

The Macau fan had always liked his music and movies but became a diehard fan only after his death, when she realized that apart from his gifts in singing, acting and composing, and his looks, he also had a luminous inner beauty. In my case, it was also his inner qualities of compassion, honesty, courage, integrity, generosity and magnanimity which more than anything else had drawn me to him.

Of course he dances like a dream, sings beautifully, and with a great deal of feeling, and manages to take on disparate acting roles so convincingly as to leave one in no doubt that he is truly gifted in the performing arts. The talents come packaged in an indescribably beautiful form that gets better with the years… all guaranteed to propel his idol factor to stratospheric levels. His appeal transcends age, gender, culture and race, enslaving legions of adoring fans, many of whom are hopelessly in love, bedazzled or besotted.

On the fifth and last day of my private visit, I went to Central again to revisit Square Street, Mee Lun Street and On Wo Lane where Leslie had shot 'The Kid'. I also took the mid-levels escalator and went to Robinson Road where Leslie had once lived in a rented room after he was cheated of his concert earnings by his ex-manager.

From Robinson Road I took a bus to the Hong Kong Convention Centre where Leslie had attended a dog show and then to the Grand Hyatt, where Leslie had dined and attended some functions. It was back to the Mandarin Oriental after that. I went to the Café for tea and asked to be seated at where he usually sat, even though it was in the smoking area. (I can’t abide smoke).

I experienced some thrill sitting on where I imagined where Leslie had sat. As I ate my scones and drank my coffee, I wondered if Leslie's lips had touched the cup I drank from, much like Leslie's monologue in 'So Near So Far': Would you have used this glass?

After tea, I committed what I suppose was an act of trespass in taking a lift to the 24^th floor from which Leslie had jumped to his death. As I exited the lift and walked along the corridor to the gym, retracing his steps, I could again feel his presence.

From the Mandarin Oriental, I took a bus to the Queen Mary Hospital where Leslie's body was taken after his fall. I had seen pictures of his covered body on a stretcher on the 'yellow box' outside the Accident & Emergency Department. Despite my distaste for hospitals, I went to the A&E department where the sight of some ambulances parked outside triggered memories of the heartbreaking photos I had seen.

I went into the A& E Department and wondered where his body was taken on arrival at the hospital but did not dare ask any of the staff there. The Hospital is located on a hill along Pokfulam Road and one gets to have a view of the sea. Sea views are much sought after but this sea view accentuated one's melancholia.

I would have wanted to go to the mortuary where Leslie's body was taken after his death was certified but no one was able to tell me where the mortuary was located. So from the hospital, I went back again to Central and visited Queen's Pier where Leslie had filmed some of his movies and music videos. I also went to the carpark building where Leslie had parked his Range Rover before crossing over to the MO.

I had arranged to meet my friend at the MO before going for dinner. While sitting in the lounge I gazed at the road outside and tried to imagine the scene there when Leslie's body was found, which was soon after dusk.

I remained in Hong Kong for a couple of weeks or so for work-related reasons and did not have time to visit more places associated with Leslie during the weekdays. I managed to catch dinner in two restaurants frequented by Leslie.

I dined at Sun Dao Kee Restaurant, where I tried some of his favourite dishes: fish soup, poached vegetables and sweet and sour pork. The food was delicious, especially the fish soup.

On another evening I had dinner at the Victoria City Seafood Restaurant where Leslie had celebrated his 45^th birthday. I saw newspaper cuttings of that occasion. Leslie looked so handsome and so boyish, nowhere near the age of 45. In one particular pic, he looked really sweet and his face had a childlike quality.

On the following weekend I bought flowers and placed them outside his house. I wrote him a note which had taken me three days to think up and as I stood outside his house, thinking about him, I felt his presence sweep over me yet again.

After placing flowers at Leslie's house I went to Broadcast Drive to look at the ATV station as well as the apartment blocks opposite the station. I knew he had stayed in a rented room in one of those blocks after signing a contract with the then Rediffusion, and that child actor Jimmy Wong had once taken a shower at his place and was served instant noodles by him.

I also went to Rosaryhill at Stubbs Road, where Leslie spent his secondary school years before continuing his education in England. The taxi driver informed me that this was a famous school. I learnt from the security guard that another famous alumnus of the school is Barbara Yung, former girlfriend of Ken Tong, who had committed suicide in the 80s over her failed love affair with him.

I took pictures of the school grounds, the canteen, and even went to the boys' loo, which surely Leslie would have gone to in his school days. It was apparent that the school had under gone renovations since Leslie's time.

I went to the World Trade Centre where a scene from 'Behind the Yellow Line' was filmed (Leslie was waiting for Maggie to watch a movie and saw her ex-boyfriend dropping her off), as well as to the South China Athletic Association, where Leslie often went to play badminton.

Here again I committed an act of trespass, nonchalantly walking about although I was not a member of the club and had no business to be there. Unfortunately I was not able to locate the place where he played badminton or where he filmed the 'one minute friendship' scene from 'Days of Being Wild'.

I also went to the temple where Leslie and Tong had hung up their incense towers and to Fai Kee, a roadside antique stall where Leslie had posed for photos in one of his picture books. The stall owner had a picture of Leslie posing at the stall. He said he had seen Leslie in the area a few times and he was friendly and unassuming.

Other than visiting places associated with Leslie I got to hear a little bit about him from people who had met him. I met a couple who had met him at the Asian Singing Contest and was told he was very 'cute'.

Some of my colleagues in Hong Kong had the good fortune to be in the same lift as Leslie a couple of times, one of which was at the Conrad Hotel. He had held the lift and waited for them! They told me that when Leslie lived in Hong Kong Island he often went to Conrad Hotel for his meals.

Someone had a family member who had worked in the salon where Leslie used to have his hair cut (pre-Ken Qi days) and had an autographed photo taken with him. If I had been a fan some years ago and known this colleague then, I would have asked for some of his hair to keep!

My friend had met him at a Hong Kong Film Award ceremony at the Hong Kong Cultural Centre in the mid-90s and was within about 10 feet of him. He was dressed in a white suit on that occasion. She described him as very 'len jai' (handsome).

While in Hong Kong I also met someone who in the course of her work had contact with some celebrities, among them Danny Chan. She told me about an 'encounter' with Leslie in the mid 90s. She was crossing the carpark entrance at the Park Lane Hotel in Causeway Bay and Leslie was in his car, which had stopped at the entrance while she was crossing. She was struck by how sad he looked, as if he was not 'at home' (ie, not quite there). One is inclined to believe what Tong had said, that Leslie had in fact suffered from depression for many years.

On my last night in Hong Kong I felt drawn to visit Kadoorie Hill again. It was quite late, after 10 pm, but I trudged up Kadoorie Hill from Mongkok and despite having a fear of dark and lonely places, I felt I had to go to Leslie's home to bid him goodbye.

I spent some time speaking to a Nepalese security guard patrolling his street and tried to glean some information about his sightings of Leslie when he was alive. After we finished our conversation, I stood outside Leslie's house and 'tuned in' to him.

Despite nursing a bad flu, I could sense a faint but very pleasant masculine scent which I felt just had to be Leslie. I could feel his presence strongly and although it was a cloudy night, when I looked up at the sky, the moon, though not full, was bright and not obscured by clouds, which I took to be a sign from Leslie that he WAS with me.

After leaving 32A I walked to 97 where I heard that Leslie had lived previously. Somehow the vibes from that unit felt bad.

When I left Hong Kong for home the next day I felt that I had searched for, and found (albeit momentarily) Leslie. I had a few indescribably beautiful encounters with him and felt privileged to have been graced with his presence. Still, as I sat in my seat waiting for the plane to take off, I was overcome by a profound sadness and the tears started to fall. It's a bit like having a wonderful vacation but the vacation comes to an end and one has to tear oneself away and go back to the workaday world.

I was listening to Leslie on my MP3 player and realized that one of the cabin crew had been trying to get my attention for some time, asking which publications I wanted to read. I turned my tear-stained face to her in embarrassment and said that I did not want anything to read. I only wanted to carry this sense of Leslie in my heart and take him home with me…

report and pictures by Starnight, November 2004 - readers with comments or questions can pose them at starnight912@yahoo.co.uk

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