Hello, I'm still here, ye canna stop me...!

Today on Top Ten Theatre, we'll be looking at our old favourite 
second-in-commands, Starscream and Prowl.
[Ratbat gasps, seeing rush horde of rampaging ATTers who *don't* think 
that they were the 2ICs.]
Errr...Could Unicron beat the Death's Star?
[They all run off again - they know better than to come near someone who 
uses *that* in a post.]
Anyway, the question is - could these two ever make leaders of their 
respective sides? Unfortunately, probably not. At least not in the 
purposes of plain old funmaking, as we'll first examine:

          THE TOP TEN REASONS THAT PROWL WON'T MAKE AUTOBOT LEADER

10. He'll sound stupid if he tries to say, 'This time no force in the 
universe can stop me.'

9.  *Two* Prowl toys vs *six* Optimus Primes (or four Grimlocks, or four 
Hot Rod/Rodimus Primes).

8.  He doesn't play computer games, so there's no way he could blow 
himself up to allow Megatron to cheat.

7.  Bluestreak will be forever repainting himself just for a joke.

6.  He thinks long and hard about strategic warfare. Unfortunately, he 
thinks for longer than the battle actualyl lasts.

5.  He's embarrassed to admit it, but he doesn't have one of those 
special 'just-in-case' Matrix cavities in his chest.

4.  No-one takes him seriously since Bumblejumper put a big sign on his back 
saying 'I brake for daisies.'

3.  He has secret crushes on Nightracer and the Nightbird. This is fine, 
but it carried over to everything starting with 'Night', and Nightbeat 
says it distracts him from detecting...

2.  Last time he subbed, he insisted on one of those workouts every 
morning like they do in Japanese companies.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON PROWL WILL NEVER MAKE AUTOBOT LEADER...

1.  Two words: No trailer!


All right, enough of you, copper. Let's see how they like F-15s over in 
Decepticon-land...

        THE TOP TEN REASONS STARSCREAM WON'T MAKE DECEPTICON LEADER

10. No repaints in charge here, bub.

9.  Leaders are supposed to have a commanding voice, not 
fingernails-on-the-blackboard-squared.

8.  He doesn't have the letters 'on' in his name.

7.  He's so used to trying to overthrow Megatron that he'll start trying 
to assassinate himself...

6.  He picks on Soundwave, which is always a bad idea. ('Any urgent 
messages for me while I was out, Soundwave?' 'Y-- erm, Nuh!')

5.  Other leaders had a bit of a rant before the battle, but at least 
they got *around* to the battle sooner or later.

4.  See reason 5 - he still hasn't shut up.

3.  He doesn't have a firearms-dedicated alternate mode.

2.  He habitually merges himself with battleships.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON STARSCREAM WILL NEVER MAKE DECEPTICON LEADER...

1.  He's dead!


Ah! Phew! I need a break. Comments, please! :)

(And, *yes*, those of you who have been following my signoffs, RECYCLED 
VIRGINS THEATRE 999 - BEAST WARS *is* being worked on - it's just harder 
than the Movie because I haven't seen it. :)  )

Urac 'Ratbat' Sigma, born of woman, but still with all accessories and 
instruction manual.

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 |     'Normal is what everyone else is, and you are not.'                |
 |                                                    - Dr Tolian Soran   |
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 |   Urac 'Ratbat' Sigma, E-mail me on u962986@student.canberra.edu.au    |
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