I want to write here some words about DEPRESSION since I feel this is a very underestimated illness. Many of us continue to wonder why Leslie left us, many of us continue to think or suspect there should be a 'another reason', not only depression. Since I think it can be useful to better understand, I translated a passage from a book by a famous and renowned Italian psychiatrist Mr. Vittorino Andreoli. And after reading it I learnt that probably depression is... enough.
"Depression is the state of 'life into pain', accompanied by a sense of guilty for the fact of living itself and by the certainty to do, by living, the evil. Depression is, first of all, an experience of pain. A feeling of death which disheartens and takes away the courage of living, just like living was itself an evil thing.
Depression has no God. The depressed feels himself so unworthy to think to deserve not even the forgiveness of the man, which is limited, so it's impossible to him thinking to deserve the forgiveness of God. He already expressed his own Last Judgement which is the most merciless, without any kind of redemption, without hope. He feels guilty also toward his beloved ones, his family, his friends. In front of them he feels himself as a hangman, a man who does the evil even if he would like to help them. He sees they're suffering as he suffers and he could even kill them to set them free from pain and then he kills himself.
Depression is the utmost effigy of tragedy. It's sorrow among sorrows. The depressed is alone, nobody can help him. It's a fatal state. It's the meaning of the nonsense, the uselessness of the sorrow which becomes more and more unbearable, leading him toward the only way of escape: the death. And death, compared with this state, becomes benignant, the only salvation from pain, because... in death also pain disappears. The death as 'treatment', as 'therapy'. And in this horizon there is no place for hope, no kind of hope at all... The man, the others are expressions of pain: it doesn't matter if they look happy, it's a pain in disguise, even more unbearable. Everything is pain and even if it's a paradox, hope is in death. This is the basis of nihilism, the nihilism of depression.
Sometimes I feel myself in sorrow, I feel only sorrow as if nothing else exists. A sorrow without a reason, without a physical disease, without a point of reference which at least distracts me in order to try to understand...Pain, nothing but pain. Pain which explains pain, which talks about pain, which becomes silence made of pain.So strong and so absolute to let me speechless, without space. But then it went away. In the depressed it never goes away. Guilt never goes away, it grows up and then, without hope, you go toward death, you kill yourself into pain.
Every kind of disease is compatible with life. Perhaps illness could bring you to the last limit of the existence, but you still can stay alive. Depression is the only one being incompatible with life. If disease is a mechanism of defence, a strategy to live 'at minimum', depression is not an illness, because it leads you to death."
May 17, 2003
LESLIE'S LEGACY IN JAPAN - many thanks to Xiang. I would like to thank all Japanese fans who attend and give to Leslie an unforgettable sanding ovation! Please, visit For Leslie Lovers Home Page for more information.
May 18-19, 2003 - THE 49TH DAY
On the 49th day since GorGor's death, according to Chinese traditional belief, his soul will leave this world and start a new life. Many fans went to this house and at Mandarin Hotel for prayers and singing to remember this day. Newspapers said there were so many flowers in front of his house that Kenneth and the driver had to come out many times to bring flowers into his house. Mr. Chan Siu Bo, Mr. Alvin Leong and Ms. Florence Chan with her song paid a visit to Mr. Tong. He and Leslie's family didn't show up. For pictures and news: Sing Pao - The Sun - AppleDaily - Oriental Daily - Yahoo! - LeslieTong.com - Love Gor Gor
During these days there are many memorial event in every side of the world to remember Leslie and celebrate his artistic legacy. There are event in California, Chicago, NewYork, Amsterdam and many other places. For news in English visit GoodbyeLeslie.com
June 1st - TWO MOTHS SINCE HE'S GONE
Suddenly I noticed I didn't update here from weeks. In these days latest news are about Teresa Mo, who invited herself, her family and everybody to go ahead, be strong and work hard, keeping Leslie in our memory forever on SingPao on May 23, 2003 (read the English version on LoveGorGor Homepage). Another news is about a 'Walk of Fame' in Hong Kong. Organisers are trying to find a solution to put on the 'street of stars' also Leslie Cheung and Bruce Lee's hand printings. The street will be accomplished in 2004. You can read more on LeslieTango Homepage and WenWeiPo (May 23, 2003).
For those who thought HK media changed their attitude toward Leslie after his death, it would be disappointed to know that they have now another controversial 'superstar' to put on their cover. Of course I'm referring to Mr. Tong. On May 22, 2003 he was on the cover of 'Next Magazine' and about a week later he was on the cover of 'Express Weekly'. They said he still sad and pale and a bit slim, but he's recovering now. On May 14 he went out for a dinner with friends on the Peak and on May 20 he went to play badminton with friends to the South China Club. He also smiled and he started to take care of Leslie's business again. I don't think I need to explain the tone of these articles and what they hinted about him. 'Express Weekly' reporters also approached him for an interview while he was on his car waiting for his driver always on May 20, before badminton. They asked him how he feels and where are Leslie's ashes. I won't write more here: for news in English you can visit Leslie Cheung Cyberworld Homepage and LoveGorGor Homepage. I only would like to tell that few days before the issuing of 'Next magazine' DJ Suzie Wong told about the dinner of May 14: she said his friends insisted to take him out and draw his attention out of Leslie for a while. There are no official news about his leaving to USA. Since he's not a superstar I really think HK media should leave him alone.
Dear Leslie, where are you now? Hope you can see the big bunch of lilies in front of your picture today! Love you always!
On June 2, more than 450 Korean fans held a Buddhist Ceremony in memory of Leslie - visit The Sun
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